Hospital Visitors 101

Hospital visitors 101 and why it matters?

Caroline and Willow in a hospital bed in Minnesota after Willow’s transplant. They are wearing comfy clothing and hugging each other. They have a grey and purple blanket over top of them. Willow has an nasal cannula for oxygen and is wearing a love your melon knit beanie.

Whether you haven't stayed overnight in a hospital yet or you have spent many nights in the hospital; you have most likely dealt with very kind friends wanting to be a part of everything. Some of the best memories I have when it comes to my hospital stays are the times that my friends drove over to spend some time together. It was the time that I felt the most normal and happy. When I was first sick there was a rule where under 16 year old visitors were not allowed to visit the room and we had to meet and hang out in the cafeteria. This was difficult because removing me from my room drastically shortened my time to visit. What worked well was the ability to meet people for meals and even though I couldnt eat it was nice to hangout.

RESPECT

What is important to remember is RESPECT. When you are in the hospital you are there to get better and there are times when having visitors is just not going to help. In addition to a concern for you there is also a concern for respect of the fellow patients in the hospital. There are many people there who are very sick and being too loud is disrespectful. They need to rest and so do you so try to keep that in mind as you have visitors at at the hospital.

Feel free to snuggle up. Chances are most people haven’t been in a hospital bed before and the human touch is good for you. Don’t forget to thank those friends for taking the time, gas, money , energy to come out and spend the time with you. Willow is taking a selfie with two friends. They are all in the hospital bed smiling at the camera.

Safe People

When you get sick and end up staying in the hospital you are going to receive texts from friends wanting to come visit. More often than not, you are going to want to visit but you need to make sure you aren’t undoing the work you have been doing while in the hospital. This is where having a list of safe people comes into mind. These are people who are allowed to visit maybe on worse days than normal, not on the worst days but not just on better days. These are also people who maybe your support system (mom, dad, sibling, friend) can contact to come and brighten your spirits. There is plenty of things to bring to uplift spirits. My friends would bring movies, books, music, they would bring nail polish, robes, sometimes they would pick me up new clothing from my house. These are great ideas to pass time as well as playing games.

Willow and Bailey pose in the hospital bed with a emotional support dog on the bed. Bailey is on the left and has blonde hair and smiling at the camera. Willow is on the right with a messy dirty blonde hair in a ponytail all messy. She is wearing a nasal cannula for oxygen and wearing a hot pink with black polka dot robe. Bailey always brought things for me to get excited to open or use. She let me use the snuggliest things and always was right by my side. She was my safe person.

Schoolwork Plans

When you get admitted to the hospital and begin needing to get makeup work from school you should have a safe person in each class. Having a safe person in each class will allow you to have a contact that isn’t simply the teacher that way the friend can explain more and help more at home. Also, when some teachers don’t understand and don’t want to make allowances these friends can sometimes be a go between for you. When you stop being able to drive and need rides from places or when you are in the hospital and you get tons of texts from people asking to come visit; it is vital that you have a list of safe people who are allowed to visit without taking energy from you. You make a safety list of who is allowed to drive you places, who is allowed to help with homework, who is allowed to come visit without your parents having to check with you, lastly who is allowed to come visit you in the hospital when needed or wanted by them. This list will be very beneficial to your wonderful support system. 

Jasmine has her hair pulled back as she smiles behind a stack of bible commentaries for school. We have our computers out and of course COFFEE!

Hospital Visitors

Now, onto hospital visitors. It is important to remember why you are in the hospital in the first place, to recover. It is nice to have people come visit but when you are in the hospital you are there to heal and get the help you need. It is crazy how your energy disappears so quickly. I remember countless times that I was visiting with a friend and having a great time catching up and my mom came in around the 30 minute mark and said it was time to rest. I told her I was doing great and didn’t need to take a break yet. The hour mark came around and this time she insisted. When my friend left I could barely keep my eyes open and my pain was horrendous. I was feeling so sick. I didn’t understand how it got so bad so quick. I had been using all my energy resources and when they left I had nothing left. It ended causing me to have to take multiple more days to recover. It is very important to have someone who is going to help you make sure you don’t over exhaust yourself. They can always come back another day. 

So this leads me to my third important topic:

Frequently Asked Questions

How many visitors should I have at the hospital?

 No more than 2 a day.

How long should they stay?

This can very based off of why you are in the hospital and how they can handle themselves there. For example can you put on a show and fall asleep with them there?

For someone who is coming to visit as a friend to cheer you up the visit should be under 30 minutes. For someone who is coming to hangout while you doze no longer than an hour and a half. These times can obviously be adjusted as you know yourself better but if you need a starting place I hope this helps.

If I am asleep and someone asks my mom if they can come visit what should she do? 

This is where having the list really helps. Once you have a list of your people who can see you at your worst and you don’t have to entertain and you also know they understand why your in there; your mom can look to that list and make a decision. Afterall mom’s know best. They will say no if it has been a rough day. The hospital is not a place to party and live it up. If you have been really struggling never feel like you owe anyone a hospital visit. If you make it through an entire hospital stay and then come home before having a single person visit that is not a failed mission. Honestly, there have been plenty of times that i would have seen that as a major accomplishment.

How do I say no?

There are going to be times where you are too sick and aren’t up to having visitors. There are also going to be times where someone who you aren’t as comfortable around requests to visit. When this happens there are a few things to remember.. you do not owe anyone anything. You are at that hospital to get help that you cant get on your own. Also, if someone makes you uncomfortable and you don’t feel like having them visit for any number of reasons. I promise you can always bring this up to doctors and many of them will say you are able to use them as the excuse for why they cant come.

The MOST IMPORTANT TAKEAWAY!

You are there to get better and there are people in every room trying to get better. While friends can be good to help lift spirits and encourage you must be respectful of your own healing and those around you. This is why the most important part of visiting, is that your friends are quiet, and calm, that they don’t push you or keep you up, that they understand what you are there for. After that, you should be ready to conquer the hospital visitor policy!

With all my love,

Willow Ann

I hope this helps because if you follow these little rules you will be able to look back on some of the most precious and meaningful memories.