You Are More

You are more than your disease. You are more than your limitations.

It can be difficult separating who you are out from your chronic illness. Especially during a flare. During a flare we have to put more effort into maintaining our health than normal. We also deal with more disappointment in having to miss things to rest and recover. All of this builds up and it can feel like there is not a light at the end of the tunnel.

The best way to maintain the light at the end of the tunnel is to focus in on God. God loves you. He loves you the way you are right this very moment. He isn’t waiting for you to get back to your full function so that He can be close with you again. He isn’t listing off what you are completing each day to see if you are worthy of His love. You don’t have to earn Christ’s love. He made you in his image.

Christ is not like our human peers. He does not scare off. He is not unprepared for the battles you have coming. He knows what is in store and he chooses you anyway. You are precious to him, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

The last few months I haven’t felt like myself. That is pretty normal when you are chronically ill but it doesn’t make it suck any less. It’s been a month & a half of being home (we had one family visit during that time) and learning what life in the new house is like. I am still finding myself needing extra rest. I checked with Michael, cause he usually is my baseline but this time we were on the same page, we are tired. He is working full time and helping me but he also just wants to rest on the weekends. At the very least he wants to do something and make sure we are back to sleep in our own bed at night, AMEN. So I guess at least I’m not alone this time.. I’m trying to find the positives in the negative.

Aside from that, I have also been doing some medication changes which never goes well with trying to increase energy. I have had a doctors appointment at least once a week since being home and that’s not including: bloodwork, tests, sleep study’s, health management, filling my prescriptions, being a good partner to my husband, and just trying to be human. 

Hopes & Dreams

Basically, I lost myself along the way. This happens to the best of us. you can be one of the strongest minds but eventually something is going to get you down. I mean, all I do is manage health so that I can keep my body functioning (at its obscenely low level). I am not achieving things that I thought would be my normal day to day activities and I’m tired. Usually, these are the days that all my hopes and dreams come flooding back to me. I was going to be a surgeon, I used to take classes like biochemistry and organic chemistry, I used to run and train, I had planned to do an MD/ PHD program so I could get my doctorate in genetics. Now, I just simply feel lost in the medical mumbo jumbo. 

Sometimes,  it is really hard to find myself under all these health problems. Where do the medical problems end and I begin? 

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

When I start feeling like this, the first thing I do is count my blessings. It’s cheesy but it helps so much. So for example, I would say: “I am so blessed to have parents who love me, a set of bonus parents who love me, a husband who no matter how sick I get doesn’t scare off, a dog who cares for me so much, a sister who encourages & looks up to me, friends who are available.. well, always”. This is how I start. It helps me reframe my perspective. As I list off my blessings I try to either do deep breathing, meditation, or yoga simultaneously. THis helps me center my mind and body onto the same thing. Tension in the body can lead to tension in your mind. Stretching it all our is such a wonderful way to work on each problem at the same time.

WHERE TO GO FROM HERE

Then I move forward to looking at all God has done to get me to where I am at. I look at pictures of how far I have come. I talk to friends who tell me how far they have watched me come. I remember that there was a storyline that ended with me not being alive on this earth and that I am living out my miracle. Sometimes I feel so lost, I have so much medical things to focus on, I need to keep up with friends and family, I have responsibilities around the house. Everything adds up and I get overwhelmed and before I know it, I’m no longer seeing my health as a tool but as an identity. I will start feeling better and then I will begin wondering how God can use someone as broken as me? Why did He pick me to share? This is where my Bible comes in…

When you begin to lose your identity remember to put your eyes back on Jesus. Our identity is in Him and through that we will find the wonderful pieces of ourselves that Christ put into us when he created us. So next time when you have a list of all that you are not or you feel like your disease defines you. 

Remember, you are an heir to the throne, you are wonderfully made, you are chosen, you are a friend of God’s, you are a daughter or son, you are an ambassador for Christ, you are his workmanship,

Each of these things are outlined in the bible. He specifically made sure to have verses that spoke to who we are in Him. It is almost like He understood the troubles we would go through before we went through them (;

I have attached the verses that outline who YOU ARE below.

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” - Ephesians 2:10

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

1 Peter 2:9

“no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”

| have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 

Galatians 2:20

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.”

2 Timothy 1:7

“| can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

Phillipians 4:13

“Now if we are children, then we are heirs-heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”

Romans 8:17

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:19

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

Philippians 1:6

“Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.”

2 Corinthians 5:20

YOU ARE PRECIOUS IN HIS EYES AND ONE DAY WHEN WE ARE IN HEAVEN THERE WILL BE NO MORE SICKNESS, NO MORE PAIN, NO MORE HURT SO HOW CAN THAT BE YOUR IDNETITY IF IT WILL BE GONE WHEN WE ARE IN HIS KINGDOM?.