10 Things I am thankful to have learned about life since surgery.
YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO AN EDUCATION.
You deserve an education just the way you are and accommodations need to be more readily taught & applied
No matter how difficult they make you feel or how “whiney”, don’t let it get to you. You are worthy of an education and you deserve accommodations. Your health is not your fault and requesting needed accommodations is not a fault or problem.
NOT EVERYONE YOU MEET IS UP TO THE JOB & that’s OK.
Every year, as I reflect on the year before, I wish I had communicated more with people. I wish I had explained what is going on and understood that not everyone can be there for the long haul. If I knew and understood this maybe there would have been ways that wouldn’t have hurt so bad of moving on from people.
This applies to important events in your life as well.. Maybe you're not chronically ill but you are getting married. I think it is very important to know AND be okay with the fact that the people you ask to be in your wedding may not be in a place in their life where they can accept. To be more specific, the person you ask to be the maid of honor may not feel that that is a role they can manage or are able to complete to the level you request or need. It would have saved me a lot of heartache, if I had created a space where people felt that they could be honest about their level of involvement, about their availability, and their level of interest. If i had done this things could have been more fun and less stressful for others including myself. Not everyone is going to be in the emotional, physical, or financial place they need to be to be in your wedding but that doesn’t change how much they love you. Discussing what all is entailed and giving them a respectful out is respectful because some may rather cheer you on from the sidelines than be a part of the whole movie and that’s okay. I apply this to my relationships during my health flares. Touch base!
NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO LIKE YOU & YOU AREN’T GOING TO LIKE EVERYONE
We weren’t born to worry about being liked by people. Our reason for being on this Earth is not to try and make as many people like you as possible. Your reason for being here is to share Christ with all those you come in contact and that isn’t necessarily going to make you popular.
If there are people that you don’t like and may even wonder why you don’t then there will be people that dont like you. Don’t beat yourself up for not wanting to continue creating a friendship with someone. Its okay to not click. The only thing we are told to avoid is hatred. The bible says telling someone you hate them is killing them verbally. If you feel that someone drives you insane so much that you may struggle with the concept of hating them pray on it. This doesn’t mean you need to work on being friends with them ut ask God to soften your heart and pray for that person.
DOING ONLY WHAT MAKES YOU “HAPPY” WILL GET YOU NOWHERE IN LIFE
We currently live in an age where doing “what makes you happy” is constantly encouraged. Everywhere we look people are saying or posting about following your heart and only doing what makes you happy. There is a major flaw in this whole concept because life isn’t always going to be happy so what do you do then?
If I were to only “do what makes me happy” why would I apologize to those I have wronged? I mean, its never fun admitting you were wrong or that you were being unreasonable but it is vital for healthy relationships.
There will always be things that need to be done that I am sure you aren’t always going to love and be made happy by them. If you live solely by the “do what makes you happy” mantra, why do homework? Even if you are someone who enjoys homework you aren’t going to enjoy it all the time so should you just fail it? Or how about managing health problems? Spending hours on the phone on hold to work with insurance to get the health equipment I need does not make me happy but that equipment is vital to my survival on this earth.
JEALOUSY WILL MAKE PEOPLE YOU KNOW AND LOVE UNRECOGNIZABLE
There is a reason jealousy is called the green monster. It doesn’t matter who it is when they are infected with jealousy they may turn completely into someone you have never met.
These things can be exacerbated by big life events. There are going to be times in your life when you are in a position that someone else in your life is currently in a waiting season for something you may be getting right now. During the years when people iin your friend group are getting married may be a time that you see people’s true colors. Some people cant celebrate others joy when it doesn’t add to their own.
Sometimes people may need to take a step back and that is them trying to make the best decision for the friendship. A really good example of a time like this would be when a couple is dealing with infertility or loss and someone in your friend group is pregnant or newly parents.
COMPETING WITH FRIENDS ON WHO DOES MORE IN THE RELATIONSHIP BENEFITS NO ONE.
Relationships ebb and flow
There will be times when one friend has to carry the weight of the relationship more than the other friend. That is okay.
People cant all be on the top of their game at all time and hopefully we have friendships where when we are down our friend can help us up. Then when your friend is down you can help them up. Its a two way street.
EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN UNIQUE PRIORITIES
I used to struggle with this concept a lot . Whether it was friends of fancily I would find myself getting overly invested in their money decisions. It bugged me when I had friends that I knew were struggling to pay their rent but then went out and spent it all on going down to the city with friends. I would struggle when they complained about things being tight but didnt stop ordering clothing or home decor or whatever. It all came from a place of worry and concern for their well being but it was upsetting me too much.
This is when Michael said something briefly about people having their priorities that it all clicked and I no longer needed to stress as much as I was.
It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do or how much money you have everyone has a list of priorities. A priority list that they may not remember making but just formed on what they feel is the right things to spend their money on. THey create their own priority list and it isn’t something that others necessarily can see from the outside. So I would be getting upset because I was worried about how they would handle whatever was coming up etc. What I didn’t realize is that they consciously made these decisions off of their own priorities. This doesn’t mean their priorities are right but it does mean you don’t need to carry that anxiety or worry.
WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK IS ONLY STEALING YOUR JOY & HOLDING YOU BACK (this is supposed to be point #8. Im still working out the kinks)
This one sucks. I am not going to lie about that. However, this is an essential lesson. Your life will get significantly better the moment you accept that not everyone is going to accept you, approve of what you are doing, and even appreciate your work.
That is a fact of life. It ties into the priority explanation I gave above. Everyone has their own priorities for life and whatever you are passionate about may be something they don’t even think is a problem, who knows. The point is, why would you let that keep you from doing what you feel you are called to or have a talent for?
If you stopped every time someone didn’t understand what you were doing, or didn’t understand why. If you stopped every time someone felt like what you were doing was a lost cause. It wouldn’t matter what you were doing, you would never find anything to do. People are not all going to approve so don’t let that stop you.
DON’T LET OTHERS LIFE CHOICES AFFECT YOUR EMOTIONAL WELL BEING
I am a people pleaser through and through and don’t worry I have all the books and Im in counseling, im working on it. My favorite thing in the world is getting to have the opportunity to make someone else smile or feel special. It makes me so happy that I started grinning so big typing this. While that is a wonderful trait; I needed to draw a line and make sure that when that wasn’t possible and people were upset with me that that didn’t change my value.
That is right, for me, and most people pleasers, our value is in how much others love us because we care for others so much we have put their opinion of us way to high. You may be seeing how dangerous this can be too.
I have spent days, weeks, and nights upset about simply standing up for myself and in reality it may not have even affected the person. At most, it may have made them have to rethink or work an extra 5 minutes but that was horrifying to me.
When I got married, I realized that this wasn’t healthy when I was single but it most definitely isn’t healthy when I’m in a marriage. You can’t be married where you care for a spouse but at the same time if someone says anything disapproving you shut down. You cant shut down for days anymore. You have a teammate in life that is depending on you and shutting down because a stranger had to turn a different direction in the parking lot because you took the parking spot they planned on, isn’t good for your marriage or you!
NOTHING IS WORTH GETTING WITHOUT GOD
Finally, the most important lesson. It doesn’t matter how much you work. How much blood, sweat, and tears you put into something; if God isn’t involved it’s not nearly as valuable.
Doing God’s work is some other kind of incredible feeling and when you are doing something that he called you to do with him its wild. He has things fall into place in ways you can never imagine. So invite Him in on whatever project you are working on big or small and watch how he transforms it.
Lastly, a lot of you are here reading this because you have been through it when it comes to medical trauma. For me, personally, the only reason I made it out and am able to help others is because I know I went to battle that day of my surgery for Christ against satan and won. When you have God, the hard things have more meaning and you are able to know that you have a God that is a champion and will adorn you with a crown in heaven. You are his heir so there is nothing that can happen in this life that will change my relationship with Him and that is Comforting. So I encourage you, if you don’t have a relationship with Him think about it, pray about it, maybe read some bible verses. you are always welcome to reach out anytime day or night via my insta DM’s or email! I am here and would love to be a resource for you all.
Xoxo,
Willow Smith
