Friendship and Sickness

This is me and my sister when she came to visit me up in minnesota after my big surgery. My sister has always been my number one cheerleader and I am so lucky to have her in my life. Honestly, This is one of my fave pics of us because it was really scary at first when seh saw me. I had so many tubes and everything and so this was when I was showing her that I was still me and we are going to get through it. You can tell on her face she was feeling relieved. I love her so much.

Your friends are people too. Understanding this, is the first step in doing everything you can to respect and care for your friends.

Friends can be some of the best medicine when you are sick. Friends can also break your heart when you don’t get better and the health problems end up being too much. Some of them, will be in it for the right reasons and some will be in it so they can say they “lived” it too. That they are friends with the sick kid. Yes, really. There will be people who will try to use your illness as clout. Whether that means they will want to be the ones who help you from class to class so they can leave early or they are using it to miss classes by attending  medical appts with you. I strongly encourage you to do your best to avoid people who are in this for the wrong things.

What is important to remember here is that being sick brings attention and what do most humans want? Attention.

This is where you will find that people you don't know as well or people you didn't know at all, suddenly have a real interest in your life and want to know all the details. I don’t want you to think anyone who shows any kind of compassion is trying to do this because that is certainly not the case. Therefore, it’s not always a bad thing. In fact, I met some of my best friends during this time. There are also people who were your acquaintances maybe and when this serious health issue happened it was a catalyst for them to really work to be friends. This time, I would do your best to pray and use your discernment before getting too tied in.

This is me and my best friend Caroline. She has been by my side since my first hospital stays and never left. This was after a particularly rough stay and I had just woken up after having my ERCP done. Everything during this stay was a lot more severe and things that normally wouldn’t be as big of a deal just didn’t go well. I am forever thankful for caroline and her friendship.

I am not trying to tell you that everyone is evil and out to get you. The most certainly are not. In all honesty, you are most likely going to experience the opposite. You may find that people who were your best friends could not stay because of the exhausting nature of chronic illnesses. I am just wanting to give you a warning so you can be on the lookout. I say that because you may really think they are invested in your health and then when you need them, they aren't there. that is not to say that they weren’t there genuinely and that they didn’t expect to be able to stay there but just as it is exhausting to you it is exhausting to them. They can be great acquaintances for certain situations while you know not to look for their support in the other situations. This isn’t always a bad thing as it allows you to spread some of the weight of your health issues across a group of people instead of all on one person. I try to remember one thing & then ask them while keeping an open door for talking about it. That is…

If I get tired & annoyed at my health issues it makes sense that those in the trenches with you may get tired from time to time as well.

This is my other half. Bailey had been by my side before I even knew this journey was going to happen. The moment I was diagnosed she didn’t bat an eye. She was ready to show up whenever and wherever if it would help in even the smallest way. I am so thankful to have such loyal and loving friends. This was also at Children’s hospital. The timing of this post is funny because tomorrow Bailey and her little 4 month old are coming to texas for a visit. Man, how times change!

Your illness is not for others to use to climb the social ladder and I would hate for you to not know what was happening and find out the hard way like I did. Remember, that just as you can get exhausted of your disease others can to. This doesn’t mean don’t share but I would do what you can not to constantly “emotion dump” on them every time you talk.

“Emotional dumping” is unhealthy in any relationship especially in long term extensive health problems like ours.

It is vital that you have a list of safe people who are allowed to visit without taking energy from you. I am not talking about creating a list of “best friends” and using it to hurt others. No, this is not a revenge tactic or blackmail skill. You make a safety list of who is allowed to drive you places, who is allowed to help with homework, who is allowed to come visit without your parents having to check with you, lastly who is allowed to come visit you in the hospital when needed or wanted by them. This list will be very beneficial to your wonderful support system. It will be a great asset and if you need to update or change the list at any time…. do so. This list doesn’t have to be set in stone and can change whenever you would like.

Feel free to encourage your friends to take a breather from having to visit you anytime they’re able. Tell them that you understand it can be exhausting and that you know how much it sucks not being able to go out and be your age. I always tried to encourage my friends to visit on the weekdays and we could try homework and then on the weekends they could go hangout at regular young teenage places! Now they rarely took me up on this offer but this is important so that your friends feel heard and respected.

Wait for him. There is a man out there for you that God has prepared to be your other hald. There is someone who has been praying for you just the way you are. Wait until you find him. The man that makes hospital stays okay because he will make sure no one attacks you verbally. The man who makes sure you have only the best doctors. Wait for him.

I hope this helps. If you take anything away remember…

1.) If you get tired of your health problems so do they

2.) People can be there for the right reasons and then need a break.

3.) People do like to climb the social ladder and somehow being a friend with the sick kid helps. Pay attention.

4.) Prepare your heart for the potential loss of friends.

Xoxo,

Willow Ann