I’m just tired.

“I’m just tired” I say this a lot. “It’s okay sorry I got mad. I am just tired” “I’m not coming tonight, I’m just tired” Is being just tired just anything? I’m JUST tired. As though its nothing. As though, it isn’t that big of a deal. Is something that keeps me from the world around me NOT that big of a deal? Is something that breaks me down till I am raw and empty really that meaningless. tired. what a funny world. A word that dictates my life. A word that causes my eyes to close to find myself dreaming of school and the future. A word that takes me to the warm and loving arms of my bed. A word that leaves me awake most of the night. TIRED. It’s what I see when I stare in the mirror. But what do you see? Do you see me? or do you see tired when you look in my eyes? when you look at my face? Do you see empty pits that should be my sparkly eyes and the dark stormy circles that hold the dark and deep pits that I call eyes in my head. Is something that tells you who I am JUST anything?

What is tired to you? Tired to me is a disease that keeps me watching life on DVR while the ones I love star in it. Tired is metal chains around my ankles pulling me back, dragging me down into the deep and dark abyss of my bedroom. Tired is losing love. Losing love. Is something that causes you to become nothing JUST tired? Something that causes you to LOSE love, nothing?

So why do I spit these words out as much as I do? Why am I just tired. I’m tired. I’m broke. I’m exhausted. You see that but to you I am JUST tired.