Valentine’s Day & Chronic Illness & Marriage.

Valentine’s Day has a complicated history & it is equally complicated when trying to manage the holiday within a marriage. It is incredibly important that we understand that Valentine’s Day is nothing more than a day. There are a few benefits we can get from this holiday that don’t involve hallmark cards or Russell stover chocolate boxes. This day is mainly about remembering that your spouse, partner, friend is precious to you. In the hustle and bustle of everyday life it is easy for us to forget that we need to communicate the love we have for one another. People get stuck in a rut in their marriage or relationship and it’s hard to remember that you should still be filling each other’s cup. Even when you feel too busy. It is important that we don’t take each other for granted and that is what we do. This holiday, if you ask anyone almost everyone will tell you it doesn’t really count as a holiday but it is essential to so many marriages, relationships, and even just friendships. This whole paragraph is to say that “Yes, it’s a corny holiday. Maybe, it isn’t even a holiday to you but the meaning of this “day” is don’t take your loved ones for granted.

Im in love with you Michel Paul

It is obviously, easy to get swept up in day to day activities and begin living like roommates and I have some bad news. As people with chronic illness’ we are more complicated to love. It is hard to function and remain focused on your relationship when you are running around picking up prescriptions and scheduling appointments and then fighting pain all the time. It makes physical intimacy difficult as well. There is so much sickness and not feeling well that you may notice yourself pushing off any physical intimacy. The opposite is also possible, your partner may not make certain moves for fear of causing any more pain than you are already in.

There are many things we can do to make physical intimacy easier on your body. To begin with it is important to identify what part of the physical intimacy is causing the most pain. When you identify this you can then start working to create a way to fix the problem or adjust. Lets play through an example. Let’s say you can’t take the impact of the hip thrusts. There is many options you can look into to improve this. You can start from anywhere like a pillow on your lower back or extra lube, new positions, even things that can customize the penetration depth. There are plenty of things that can be started to help make sex more pleasurable and safe for yourself. The most important thing is communication. Talk to your partner. Communicate the problem and see if they have the solution. They may have an answer right away.

So now, Valentine’s Day for married couples where one person is extremely chronically ill we can begin to process. The answer is Valentine’s Day is just that, a day. I said this at the beginning and I will tie it up with that. Dont get stuck in the thought process that if you dont have a great or romantic Valentine’s Day it reflects poorly on your relationship. That is not true. Dont overthink one day. If you feel like you need to improve your relationship take this as a reminder to make the effort to love others more often than once a year on a designated holiday.

It can be hard to know where to look or who to ask when it comes to things like this. I hope this helps point you in the right direction and give you encouragement to speak out if you are in pain.