Expect & Accept
I am a people pleaser.
This was when we all got together for
I know. You are probably reading that and thinking then why on EARTH is she opening herself up like this online. That would be an excellent point or question. The answer is simple. I feel that God called me to share the realities of my life with Him & life with Him with my many chronic illnesses.
Family vacations in Michigan and all squeezing onto the elevator!
This is something that I have had to learn to accept. Once accepted, I was then able to accept how my feelings may be in situations. It allows me to accept that there will be some difficult situations that I will get myself in due to this fact.
I have struggled with being a people pleaser all my life and I continue to struggle with changing anything about it. Honestly, I feel like I identified the problem but no matter how much I try I cant rid the feeling of hurting others. This is where I have had to apply certain tactics to work on discontinuing actions like that. I will be working on this struggle for honestly, years to come.
Our group in Israel at Mt. Carmel
It can be incredibly difficult being a people pleaser. It is a hard habit to break because it isn’t something you can remove or stop actions. Simply put, you want each person you come in contact with to be happy, excited and like you. Which the funny part is most people pleasers are painfully aware that not everyone is going to like you. Clearly, it is irrational. However, the moment you find out someone doesn’t like you or was hurt by you, for us, there is no moving past it. The worst part is no matter what, your mind won’t let you forget. You will be stuck thinking about that one person you met at the gas station that was irritated by you. It can be a minuscule interaction that affects decisions every day. So managing the problem is the only possibility. I have been working with my therapist for a minimum of 5 years at the moment and I am so thankful that I have found someone that I communicate so well with.
This was on our wine tour for my bachelorette party!
She taught me this concpet of “expect and accept” and I don’t know where I would be without it. She told me to expect all of someones different behaviors and accept that their behavior, good or bad, has nothing to do with me. People are going to behave the way they are going to behave no matter how much effort you put into making them feel loved or heard. These reactions people have are formed most likely long before you have been in their lives. They form their reactions to disappointment, hurt, anger in childhood. if they have never taken the time to go through therapy to learn about why they process the at they do they will never change.
This is a very trivial example of expect and accept. I know Michael. I love how he wants to explore and climb around and see new sights. I also know that there is a chance he will try to do something that makes me worry. The most important thing is that you are handling this information and making sure that the decisions you are making is what is best for your mental health.
This concept is something that can be applied to literally any struggle you are dealing with. The only difference is that some can be completely fixed by accepting them and others can be improved. People pleasing is something I will have to fight through my entire life but that doesnt mean I will be a doormat for those around me.
