Chronic Illness: Dating Ideas

We find that if we can afford a night at Top Golf. It works great for us both. There are couches and you can order food as well as play a round of golf. This was something that we found really helps us for finding a great date night.

Dating with chronic illness comes with its own list of difficulties and complications. Some of these struggles are self imposed and some are things that need to be worked through as a team. That is the first thing I will say.

If you want a relationship to work and chronic illness is involved communication is more important than it has ever been before.

Communication is EVERYTHING.

Solid communication between my husband and I has allowed us to be able to curate experiences to both of our needs. This would not have worked if I didn’t understand what was important to mike and equally so if he didn’t understand what was important to me. In our relationship, there needs to be just as much leaving the house as there is living in the house. Especially since Michel works at home. That was something that has changed a lot and changed recently based on his job. During the pandemic we obviously didn’t leave the house much and now that it is safer & he works at home it’s time to make up for all that time stuck at home.

I decided to separate these ideas out by energy levels. They are concepts. You don’t need to do the exact thing I am saying but they show you how to handle each situation and what you can do to make it work for you. So on bad days when your partner wants to get out but you are really not feeling great suggest going for a drive. As you feel better and create your own systems, your activities and energy levels can increase but I always have a backup plan.

We always have a backup plan. I bring a bunch of extra things with me for all of the just in cas moments. We set the back of the truck & car up with a bed/ lounge area so if during a trip I need to take a break I can lay down in the back.

Contingency plans are the second most important part of this plan.

Date Idea #1: Explore around you. We love taking the back/side roads and routes that are not on the interstate. It is how you get a better taste for the environment and culture. We try not to have too many plans or plan the day out because we like to be able to just drive and stop at anything that interests us. It is one of our favorite things to not have to be on any sort of timeframe. For these days I spend a lot of time prepping. I will make up a cozy bed in the back seat of the truck cab or I will bring a bunch of pillows to make the passenger seat of the car comfy. Since talking with Mike, I know a lot of the time he really just appreciates the company. He is not looking for me to weight lift, go hiking, do crazy extracurriculars. He is looking for someone to spend time with and admire the sights he is seeing as well.

This was a day that we just drove around texas and we stopped here ad there to get out and get a feel for the area. We were trying to find a good place to live and we made it a fun date night feel.

Comradery, He just wants to do things with his best friend.

Date Idea #2: Kayaking/ Canoeing. Mike loves being out on the water. He loves fishing and exploring the out of doors. We have two ocean kayaks and a canoe. Depending on how I am feeling if Mike wants to go out on the water but I don’t feel like I have the energy to paddle myself we can take the canoe. Often times you can ask mike and he has no issue having to go at a slower pace, having to help, or being the person paddling as long as we go. I am usually the one that puts expectations like: “He is going to be so annoyed if he can’t kayak and has to canoe because of me”, “If I don’t go do this He will have to be on his own and he shouldn’t have to now that he is married” these things are not something he has ever had an issue with. This is why communication is vital. For example, Mike would rather live further from town and pick up the groceries & my prescriptions even though that usually is my job technically. This means so much to me and I never would have known it if I didn’t ask him about it. When we go canoeing it’s usually on days that I don’t have as much energy or strength. WE pack up the cooler full of low snacks, cooling towels and headbands, we pack a cushion for sitting down, and anything else that sounds helpful. Mike always reminds me that that is why we have the yeti. This is why we have the canoe. So we can enjoy these activities.

We love the idea of having a double kayak because its much easier to maneuver on days when I cant kayak on my own than the canoe. However, Mike always assures me taking the canoe is not a problem . I love kayaking I just struggle with keeping up sometimes. This was in Montana. I didn’t want to overdo this early in the day so we used a two person kayak.

We also love taking the canoe mostly because it holds everything. This is for days I really don’t feel that great. I can fit all kinds of snacks and things in the cooler and we can bring Belle.

Date Idea #3: Hiking, there are times where I have energy and want to go exploring. These days we take advantage of it but we make sure to bring anything and everything I would need if I started feeling sick. We bring the yeti, we bring a change of clothing, change of shoes, PRN meds, and blankets. That way if I start feeling sick we can head back to the car and get reset in order to stay safe.

We love just getting in the car and driving until we see something cool. That is how we found this super beautiful river and dam situation. We loved hiking around it and exploring.

This is how I rest in the cab of the truck. We can fit a child’s mattress in the back and we put sheets over where belle was laying so I don’t get covered in dog hair.

Then there are the date ideas that Mike makes happen for me.

Date Idea #1: Breakfast in Bed. Mike really prefers to only be in bed for when it’s time for bed and to leave it the morning. On days, when I want something special but feeling rough He will surprise me by making his coffee & poptarts and coming back into the bedroom to watch morning tv and snuggle instead of moving immediately into the Living room. This makes me so beyond happy.

Somedays mike will come watch a movie in the bedroom with me if I am feeling super sick.

THe other day we had a movie day and he and I just enjoyed staying in our PJs all day!

Date Idea #2: Shower together. Often times I need help in the shower or I feel weak. I don’t want to put myself in the situation to pass out in the shower. Showering together is a wonderful form of intimacy as well as vulnerability. We bond by holding each other and he helps me wash my hair and rinse it out. When we get out He often times helps by brushing my hair and these are the things that can over exhaust me so quickly and cause immense pain leading me to be out for the next few days unable to do other things.

Date Idea #3: Pray together or do a devotional together. It is so important to grow in your faith as a couple. God will open your hearts so you can hear one another clearer and have an open heart to listen to one another. This is one of the most intimate ways to go on a date. You can always take it outside on your patio, go to a park, or just keep it at the kitchen table. Talking with God as a couple is so important and special.

We also enjoy reading the bible and doing a devotional together. This is something that we all could be doing more and helps our relationship grows stronger.

Date Idea #4: Choose a book to read together and create a book club. We also have patio games such as giant jenga, giant connect four, playing with belle outside. These are the things that we can do that make Mike feel like he isn’t just sitting around doing nothing but He is meeting me where I am at and that means the world to me.

Having a bunch of patio games is something we really enjoy because we dont have to drive somewhere to do anything and there are plenty of fun things out back. Now that we live in texas we love being outside even more and having these games really make date night fun depending on how sick I am.