My partner is a busy bee… How do I keep up?
It’s no surprise that most of us have different interests from our partner or spouse. It can be as simple as they like to play video games and you don’t to they are incredibly active and you cant keep up. There will always be slight differences between the two of you but what if you are chronically ill and really cant keep up. How are you supposed to bridge that gap when your body is physically fighting you?
Im spilling all my secrets!
My husband is a busy man. No, i mean like busy, like never lays in bed unless it is actually time for bed. Gets sick if he waits to long to get up and get showered and start the day. Struggles with feeling antsy when he is just sitting so in the end he would rather just keep his shoes on and stand; ready for whatever is next at all times. ALL THE TIME. If you ever get a chance to meet his dad you will realize the apple does NOT fall far from the tree. The Smith men are BUSY. They don’t understand the concept of a “nap” or “day off” for themselves but they do for others. They are busy because they often times are also willing to take all that busyness and use it to help others.
At this point you are probably thinking…. ummm Willow, how in the world are you guys married? Great question. I wonder that often as well. Well more so because I am just so thankful that God chose him to be mine. The busy bee aspect, well I/we have had to figure it out and this is what we have found.
For the most part, if your partner wants to work on a project outside and you aren’t feeling well they understand. If you grab a book and a chair to join them they will appreciate it even more. Sometimes, it’s just the act of not being alone while working on something. So create the space you need and join them. Sometimes we have big, long, deep conversations about life and our goals, sometimes I play music and other times He does what he wants and I work. It really can be that simple.
Encourage them to do the things that you either had planned to do that day or they wanted to do even if that means you not coming along. There have been times where we have planned to go kayaking and I have woken up feeling so sick. Those days it would be a bad decision to go because Michael wouldn’t be able to enjoy because he would be caring for me. So we compromise, maybe he and I were going to go for the whole day but now that I am no longer going He will be back before 3. Its not a bad thing to have separate activites from time to time and its important taht you assure them it is okay to continue with a plan even if you cant at times.
Now maybe you dont experience this much but Mike doesnt like to spend an entire day in the house. He has to get out at least once. So, I usually create a nest in whichever vehicle we are going in and plan to just sleep while he drives and explores. Again, you will be surprised how sometimes it is simply the act of not being alone that helps. So grab a squishmallow and a blanket and jump in the car. You never know how you may feel in a little while.
Find other ways to involve yourself in the activity without being there. To me, this means packing a lunch for him, packing snacks, making sure he has his favorite drink, helping load up the vehicle, suggesting people to talk to on a drive. Asking if there is anything taht would make him feel good if it was done by the time he gets back. Make it feel more like a divide and conquer situation.
Lastly, small jobs. Depending on how you feel often in any kind of project there is organizing and straigtening that needs to take place. The project usually involves making its own mess before fixing a problem or cleaning up an issue.
If I am feeling really sick and don’t think I can even sit outside and talk with him, I always do water duty. I make sure he has water and that I fill it up as needed. I make sure it stays cold and he is resting appropriately. There will be times where I will offer to get him ibuprofen or a muscle relaxer. I usually bring out snacks and then force him to take rest breaks. When we lived in louisiana I would se up our fan with the mister for him and now that we are in texas that works even better.
I wanted to share these things with you all because there are ways for us to stay involved. I am not saying that no matter how sick you are you must do something. This is for the average day. Even on our average days we dont have as much energy as someone like Michael does. So how do we keep up, by following the above guidelines. This is something that can be adjusted and mixed and matched and works. I am not coming up with lies these are my tried and true tricks to keeping our marriage and friendship healthy and happy. Let me know if you try any of them!
